Yes, Drew, there is a Santa Claus

Yes, Drew, there is a Santa Claus

So I was really hopeful this Christmas. I asked for an XBox 360. I told my wife that I wanted a 360 and that I wanted games for it, and if that’s all I got, well, SWEET, I got a 360. I know my wife; she would go through hell or high water to find something I want as bad as I wanted this. (Remind me to tell you the story of how she conspired with all the managers at the Toy Juggernaut where I work, my mother, and her mother to get me my Wii the first year they were out.) I’ve been asking for this thing for nearly two years with nothing to show for it. Two anniversaries have come and gone; no XBox. Birthdays come and gone with no 360. And here we were at another Christmas and I was waiting patiently, knowing I would get my 360.
Finally, Christmas Day arrived. Mind you, I knew we didn’t have a ton of money for Christmas this year. Hell, no one really did. But I knew my lovely wife, and she would come through. What did I get? Slippers. FUCKING SLIPPERS! (Comfy slippers, mind you, but still.) Well, that’s not all, I also got underwear. “What?” I though, “that’s it?” “We’ll get more for Christmas,” she told me, “We’ll just wait for your next check.”
“Awesome,” I think to myself, “she’s just waiting for an extra little bit of cash, I knew she’d come through.” About a week later, we go shopping again. I spend the entire day expecting her to sneak away for a while, or to suddenly be extremely secretive. Well, that doesn’t happen. So I began yet another new year with no XBox 360.
Frustrated, I declare that I will get a 360 with our tax returns, as soon as we take care of a few other bills. Wait, that was the plan last year, and obviously, we know haw that worked out. So, I had resigned myself to wait at least 6 more months for my ever elusive 360. I moved on. I found games to play for my Wii and for my PS2. And I was content.
All the while, Christmas with my in-laws had been pushed back a couple of times. Schedules didn’t align, emergencies came up, weather was bad, whatever. You name it, it probably happened to push back celebrating the holidays with my in-laws. Finally, we all get together (well, almost, but that’s another story). As we sit down to open presents, my Mother-in-law says “There’s one big box we’ll save for the end.” This is something I don’t think much about, as I am helping Mini-me unwrap his third mountain of Christmas presents (by the way, Clip-Os are awesome!). As we unwrap, I get a copy of Harry Potter book 6 from my MIA sister-in-law (btw, thanks Chel, that round out the collection) and a beard and moustache trimmer from my mother and father-in-law, which I had needed, anyway. As I’m playing with Lil’ Drew, I hear, “Oh year, there’s one more!” I look up and my wife is handing me a box wrapped in red and white striped paper. As I take it, I think, “This is kinda heavy. About as heavy as a. . . “ Now I know how heavy a 360 box is. I mean I sell them for a living (well, that and other stuff). I set the box down and, before I can move, Lil’ Drew is on it, reaching for more paper to tear. He grabs one spot, I grab another, and as we pull, the first thing I see is “XBox 360 wireless controller included. I freeze, absolutely in shock. This does not deter my little padwan, for he continues to tear at paper like it's going out of style. As my awe subsides, I’m almost frantic, ripping of the remaining paper to reveal an XBox 360 Arcade, with Sonic Superstars included.
As it turns out, nearly everyone knew this was happening, including my two co conspiring co-hosts and their wives. I didn’t get any games for Christmas, but I went out and picked up Mass Effect for $20 (really, it’s already sold that much?). I also don’t have a hard drive yet, but that’s coming. Besides, beggars can’t be choosers. On top of which, whatever, I got my XBox. If anyone ever tells you there is no Santa Clause, tell them I said to kiss your ass and mine, too. He may show up late on occasion, and he may be live in the same house, steal your clothes and actually be female, but Santa exists, and this year, he delivered.

SHOCK
THE
WORLD!

Drew