Gaming Maladies, Part Three: Save-itis

Gaming Maladies, Part Three: Save-itis

Save-itis (n.) - Mental inflammation caused by exposure to games with faulty save systems. Carriers of Save-itis are usually identified by the following symptoms:

1.) Excessive distance between save points.

2.) Long levels with no checkpoints.

3.) Lack of autosave.

4.) Refusal to let the player save whenever he or she damn well wants to.

Provided Save-itis is diagnosed quickly and all blunt/sharp objects are removed from the patient's vicinity, the disease is quite treatable, and has a nearly 95% survival rate. Effective treatments include meditation, software transfusions, and going outside.

Modern science has identified three types of Save-itis:

Type A: Software-Driven Save-itis (aka "Effing Bullcrap!" Save-itis)

Type-A Save-itis occurs after a gamer is exposed to software exhibiting any combination of the characteristics listed above. These are games that, through incompetence of design or overconfidence in the abilities of their players, either fill the spaces between save points with tasks of varying degrees of impossibility, or make these spaces so wide that a player cannot successfully navigate them without a good night's sleep, a case of energy drinks, and a colostomy.

Other carriers of Type-A Save-itis force players to go so far out of their way to save their progress that the act of saving becomes inconvenient, and players are forced to either play the same portion of the game over and over, or yo-yo back and forth between missions and save points. When made to pick between these two options, many players choose to play a different game.

Side effects include paranoia, swearing, fidgeting, and keeping multiple save files "just in case".

Known carriers of Type-A Save-itis include: Dark Cloud 2, the Final Fantasy series, Gears of War.

Type B: Peripheral-Driven Save-itis (aka "I Just Cleared Space a Month Ago" Save-itis)

The advent of the removable memory unit created an altogether new strain of Save-itis which rose up due to the variable requirements of software upon these cards. Perhaps the most tragic type of Save-itis due to its ease of prevention, Type-B Save-itis rears its ugly head when a gamer realizes, whether though ignorance or temporary stupidity, that there is not enough space on his or her memory card.

Occurrences of this kind of Save-itis may strike at any time, and are often terrifying. Fortunately, this type has been mostly eradicated by the introduction of external disk drives.

Type C: User-Driven Save-itis ("What Time is It?" Save-itis)

Simultaneously the most irritating and educational form of Save-itis, Type-C Save-itis occurs when a gamer, through no fault of either the game or its memory requirements, simply neglects to save for hours at a time, and then gets their character killed. Completely preventable, Type-C Save-itis says to reckless gamers that life is as fleeting and insubstantial as the wind; that every moment is precious; and that one's triumphs and failures should be commemorated and celebrated for they combine, like Voltron, to constitute the entire substance of their beings.

It also says, "Save your game, dipshit."